Xapa to the World

Category: Random

Stuff that doesn’t fit into a box…like me!

  • Abet & Aid Punsters Day!! Rejoice!

    In honor of this joyous holiday…here are a few puns to get your funny bone jigglin’.

    These are the top 20 funniest puns according to punoftheday.com  Enjoy!

    1.   I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
    2.   I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
     

    3.   Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

    4.   He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

    5.   There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said ‘Keep off the Grass’.
     

    6.   Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

    7.   Old doctors never die they just lose their patience.

    8.   To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
    9.   The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
    10.   Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

    11.   A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.

    12.   There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils.

    13.   A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.

    14.   Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.

    15.   When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

    16.   What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing – but it let out a little whine.

    17.   A prisoner’s favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.

    18.   Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    19.   A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

    20.   We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn’t even afford to pay attention.

  • The Golden Compass…Really Golden? – **Warning!**

    http://snopes.com/politics/religion/compass.asp

    My excitement for children’s fantastical movies made me really anxious to see the new movie, The Golden Compass, with Nicole Kidman.  My mom just forwarded this email to me, expressing concern about the content and intentions of the film, and I, proceeding to the Snopes site (link above), discovered that the warnings are true!  Apparently, the movie is based on the first book of a series by an atheistic British author, Philip Pullman.  Here’s a link to what Wikipedia has to say about it too:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/His_dark_materials

    The whole series is a retaliation against the Chronicles of Narnia and God Himself.  The books teach children to rebel against religious upbringing and the characters eventually kill “God” in the end of it.  Each person has a daemon linked to them which can take the shape of different animals.  Lyra, is a young girl, whose own mother is a part of the “Church” that kidnaps children from around the world for experimental purposes. 

    I was really excited about this movie, but now, not so much.  I think this is very dangerous…some consider Pullman to be the most dangerous writer in England.  He is staunchly atheistic and despises Christianity and C.S. Lewis.  I am probably going to read the books, just so I can know better how to argue against them…but I urge you NOT to go see this movie.  We shouldn’t give any more money to this man than he’s already getting.  Nicole Kidman is in it, so, therefore, it is getting a lot of press.  I’m usually an advocate for fantastical children’s series’, but not in this case.  Do not allow your children to see this, and warn others about it as well. 

  • Bullets of Awesomeness: Pennsylvania Edition

    The much anticipated, Bullets of Awesomeness, from Lanna and my recent Pennsylvania roadtrip.  Let the games begin!

    • Sarah makes an illegal left turn…before we’re even out of Ohio…or Cincinnati, for that matter.
    • Lanna’s universal symbol for dancing
    • Rapping the “Fresh Prince” theme song together when we saw the sign for Bellarie
    • Sarah falls off sidewalk while walking through neighborhood…Lanna laughs at her.
    • Pap offers to scrub Lanna’s back
    • Lanna trying desperately to get the pillow out of the pillowcase, only to find that she’s holding the wrong end!
    • Super Panda (’cause when I think Pittsburgh, I think Super Panda – Lans)
    • Driving through the tunnells of forbidden joy (Lanna’s spelling)
    • Random guy doing pushups at the rest stop on turnpike.  FUNNY!
    • “It’s just more cushion for the…oh, grandparents” – Lans
    • “Lanna!  Look at his sock!” – Sarah
    • Scampers!
    • There’s some sort of lifeform in that foliage.
    • Climbing and sitting on top of a mountain. (Sarah in her flip-flops) Hardcore.
    • Finding the local St James…and St James Street – In Schuylkill Haven, and Philadelphia
    • Schuylkill Haven – “The little town that could”
    • Happenings in Scranton
      • Mumbling Italian waitor at Alfredo’s Pizza Cafe
      • Had lunch at Alfredo’s Pizza Cafe…not Pizza by Alfredo
      • Every sentence ending with, “…in Scranton”
      • “What’s there to see in Scranton?” “Uh…what?  Nothing”
      • Had dinner at Farley’s
      • Lanna is hit on…by the 25-guy…in Scranton
      • walking 3 1/2 miles around Lake Scranton, one of us wearing 3 1/2 inch heels…no names mentioned…Lanna
      • Seeing Sarah’s cousin Caleb after…how many years again?
      • Squirrels
      • “Get thee behind me Satan!”
    • Blimpie!
    • Togash
    • per Lanna – “Bald things happen here” – (Photo Journalism…photo to come later)
    • Sarah: “Do you hear that?”  Lanna: “The airplane?”  Sarah: “No.”  Lanna: “The footsteps?”  Sarah: “No…the squacking”  Lanna: “The geese?”  Sarah: “Yeah…great observational skills!”

    I am better than you ever have or ever will be.

  • “Costly Grace” by Bonhoeffer

    So, here’s the latest jewel that’s been tossed my way.  I felt like I should share it with you as well:

    “Costly grace is the treasure hidden in the field; for the sake of it a man will gladly go and sell all that he has.  It is the pearl of great price to buy which the merchant will sell all his goods.  it is the kingly rule of Christ, for whose sake a man will pluck ou the eye which causes him to stumble; it is the call of Jesus Christ at which the disciple leaves his nets and follows him.

    “Costly grace is the gospel which must be sought again and again, the gift which must be asked for, the door at which a man must knock.

    “Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ.  It is costly because it costs a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life.  it is costly because it condemns sin, and grace because it justifies the sinner.  Above all, it is costly because it cost God the life of his Son: “ye were bought at a price,” and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us.  Above all, it is grace because God did not reckon his Son too dear a price to pay for our life, but delivered him up for us.  Costly grace is the Incarnation of God.

    “Costly grace is the sanctuary of God; it has to be protected from the world, and not thrown to the dogs.  itis therefore the living word, the Word of God, which he speaks as it pleases him.  Costly grace confronts us as a gracious call to follow Jesus, it comes as a word of forgiveness to the broken spirit and the contrite heart.  Grace is costly because it compels a man to submit to the yoke of Christ and follow Him; it is grace because Jesus says: “My yoke is easy and my burden is light.

    “The grace [Luther] had received was costly grace.  It was grace, for it was like water on parched ground, comfort in tribulation, freedom from the bondage of a self-chosen way, and forgiveness of all his sins.  And it was costly, for, so far from dispensing him from good works, it meant that he must take the call to discipleship more seriously than ever before.  It was grace because it cost so much, and it cost so much because it was grace.“

    Dietrich Bonhoeffer.  “The Cost of Discipleship.”  pp. 45, 49

  • PA Road Trip!! – Latrobe (Pitts), Scranton, and Philly

    Heck YES!!!!   In one week, Lans and I will be embarking on our second annual road trip!  And we’re going on a Pennsylvania tour!

    Here’s some highlights of our trip for you to salivate over:

    We’re first going to stop off at my grandparent’s home in Latrobe, PA, just southeast of Pittsburgh (ahh…Steelers…how I miss thee).  Black and Gold!  All the way!  Ok…just some information…Mr. Rogers was lived in Latrobe, and donated a bunch of money for a children’s park in the city.  The Steelers also have their training camp near there.  🙂

    During this time, we will be attending a tiny Evangelical Methodist church, Super Panda (Chinese buffet), and visit with my grandparents, uncle, and hopefully my cousin Rachel.  It will be fun and relaxing…before our few days of bliss…which will include:

    We’ll travel out to Schuylkill Haven, PA (The Little Town that Could), to lodge at a friend of the family’s home.  We’ll be visiting Hawk Mountain Sanctuary, then shooting up to Scranton, PA.  Here we will check out Steamtown National Historical Site, and have dinner at Farley’s Eatery and Pub.  Yes, Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute) has visited there, and they have a “Michael Scott” Burger.  A couple weeks after we’re there, they are having a “The Office” convention…so, I’m sure we’ll see lots of cool things about the show in preparation for the event.

    From there, we will go to visit Philadelphia!!!!   We are planning to visit the Philly Museum of Art and run up the stairs (of course).  Then, we’re going to the Italian Market in South Philly (ah…familia!)  After that, we’re going to see Old City…etc.  We’re also going to go on a haunted tour through the mile called the “Spirits of ’76.” 

    I know, I know!  You’re so jealous!  Go ahead, shake our hands the next time you see us.  🙂

    As a parting grace, let me sing to you the state song:

    Pennsylvania, my native state
    To you we pledge our devotion.
    Pennsylvania, our loyalty
    Is steady as the ocean.

    Pennsylvania, Pennsylvania
    Strong and true (2-3-4)
    Pennsylvania, Pennsylvania
    Here’s our song to you

    There is beauty in your mountains
    There is peace upon your hills
    And where e’er I roam
    My only home is
    Pennsylvania! (trumpets)

  • *Grin

    I’m going to human trafficking information conference tomorrow!  I’m super-jazzed about it!!!!!!   Ahh!!!

    Ok…but seriously…how amazing is God?  Silly question, but my reasoning:

    I just finished reading “Not For Sale.” – a book that details the global slave trade.  It has touched my heartstrings and inspired me to get involved in the fight against human trafficking.  But not only that, throughout my life, I’ve always been one to jump up for the underdog…the one being treated poorly by someone else.  I was the kid who beat up the bullies at the bus stop for beating the younger kids. 

    God eventually wooed my heart towards the mission field.  I have becoming increasingly interested in China, but have a desire to work in any part of Asia at this point.  Starting in my junior year of high school, I began meeting people who felt they could confide in me about sexual abuse they had experienced at young ages.  My heart broke and I questioned God’s reasoning for bringing this pain into my life…but now I believe I’m witnessing the reasoning.  I have a passion for languages, and in the vocation of teaching English as a Second Language for free, I will be able to gain a foothold into the international community, here in my own hometown.  With that, I can have a hands-on experience in fighting for those held in bondage.  And not just bondage brought on by other human beings, but the bondage of a sinner, lost from the arms of Christ. 

    “Praise God! He’s got a plan, understanding isn’t my place.” – in the words of Sanctus Real

  • Tell Me…

    Should I keep putting up my poems?  Should I keep putting up all of them indiscriminatly…? or just the ones that I deem as “good?”

    Let me know, oh you many readers….  🙂

  • Poem: I Remember

    So, a couple of years ago, my college group was sitting down for its Bible Study on September 11th.  I forget which day of the week it was…seems like Sunday…and earlier that week, I had printed out a list of all the guys from Ohio who had been killed in the war.  We sat and read through each name and then had a moment of silence.  It was really moving…at least for me.  And then I wrote another poem…per norm.  Here it is:

    I Remember


    September 11th, 2005

    I remember how it felt –
    The disbelief, the awe –
    With the smoke pouring out
    Of the tall, strong towers.

    I remember the fear
    That crawled onto everyone’s face,
    How the hair began to stand
    And sleep failed to come.

    I remember the hatred
    That filled many walls,
    Even those with Your Name
    Plastered and painted in gold.

    I remember the sorrow
    As the many died
    And our boys put on uniforms
    Fighting for us abroad.

    I remember the looks
    On faces, first stunned,
    Then numbed and
    Then, forgetting their purpose.

    I remember it all
    And I shudder at
    How quickly we all fall
    And forget our despair.

     – Sarah ><>

    Have YOU forgotten?

  • Poem: Just For One Day

    This poem was also a challenge given by the poet’s community.  The challenge was to write a poem about what we would want to do if we had one day to do anything.  The format was not set, just the theme.  I had many things I would like to do…so I put them all in here:

    Just For One Day


    July 23rd, 2005

    Just for one day, I could dream many things.
    What would I give a whole day for?
    Is there anything I desire so much for?

    Yes. Just for one day, I’d like to rest
    In the arms of a man who loves me.

    Just for one day, I’d like to know
    That all my waiting hasn’t been for nothing.

    Just for one day I’d like to fly so high
    I swear I could never fall down.

    Just for one day, if I did come down,
    There’d be someone there to catch me.

    Just for one day, I’d like to know
    That true love really does exist.

    Just for one day I’d like to be
    All that God wants me to be.

    Just for one day, I’d like to be strong enough
    To climb the highest mountain.

    Just for one day, I’d like to love completely
    Without any strings attached inside.

    Just for one day, I could dream many things.
    What wouldn’t I give for a whole day
    For anything I so much desire?

     – Sarah ><>

    PS.  I wrote a new poem last night!  First on in about 5 months!  🙂  Maybe it’s coming back!  🙂

  • Poem: He First Loved Me

      Here is a poem that I particularly like.  The title should strike a cord with my Calvin-buddies out there.  🙂  No, that’s not really a just statement, because regardless of whether you lean Calvinist or not, you have to acknowledge that God loved us first because we were made by Him, and knew Him not until we were created.  He loved us before He made us.  Isn’t that wonderful?

      When you read the first part, it looks like it doesn’t fit, but at the time of writing, I was struggling with having just come out of a relationship, or something of the like.  I can’t remember.  God has blessed me with a short-term memory to some heartaches in my past…without taking away the lessons learned.  But, as always, my introspective self sought to determine my motives for serving God.  Several came to mind, which are mentioned below.  But God’s still, small voice…his gentle whisper…comes through and reminds me that I am not my own and would be lost without Him. 

      I had a discussion with my boss yesterday about how hard it is to think that good will come from bad events in our lives…yet, God promises us that He will make good of them.  It’s hard to see…and somehow, God has graciously helped my heart bypass doubt that the bad will turn good, and when something bad is happening, I am already looking with hope to the good…whatever it may be.  I know that not everyone is able to do that though…so I am grateful for it.  BUT, back to the conversation…we discussed some of the bad things that have happened in her life, and I pointed out some things that I noticed as far as good that has come from those things having happened to her.  It was neat.  She said that with the things that have happened in my own life, she’s surprised that I didn’t turn out more wild and unruly than I am. 

      I think it was Billy Graham who said that the reason God made him a preacher wasn’t because he was such a good guy.  It was because he is capable of such bad things that God decided to keep him on a shorter leash than others.  Maybe that’s how it is for me.  I’m no better than anyone else, but I’m certainly capable of some evil things.  I reflected that thought in this poem.  I hope you can relate to it as you read.  Thanks!

    He First Loved Me

    July 19th, 2005

    I feel I’ve let You down again.
    I was walking around and got distracted
    By the handsome faces
    And beautiful words. Oh, I flutter at those.
    I asked myself, “Self, why do you
    Do so much for God and His Cause?”
    Some thoughts in me cry, “She’s weak!”
    “She’s too good!” “She’s afraid!”
    Ah, fear. Yes, I do believe that’s a big one.
    I stay with God because I’m afraid of what my life would be,
    Without Him.
    I do fear the world, though I discreetly hide it.
    I fail to open myself up for fear of
    Being sucked in and lost in the morass.
    Or worse! Afraid of being hurt…
    But one thought does speak softly,
    It sticks out in the meekness of its nature.
    “Because you love Him.”
    And I think – I love Him because He first loved me.
    Yes, so I will take my rest in those words.
    “He first loved me.”

     – Sarah ><>