Xapa to the World

Tag: God

  • Day 3 – Schedules and Expectations

    Kelly’s Day 3 was about “To-Do Lists” and mine is about schedules. Plans.  Expectations.  As I reflected on the list of things causing me bitterness and why they do so, I found it was because they don’t fit my schedule.  God and I have fought many times on this before.  Or rather, I’ve fought and He’s patiently waited for me to fall in step with Him. 

    I don’t always know it either.  I will feel anxious out of no where and I’m sure that on reflection, “schedule” would be at the heart of it.  There are some areas that I am not anxious about planning for.  I’ve let go of my expectations.  One such area is what field God calls me to work in.  I could really care less WHERE I go or what I’m doing when I get there.  What I am concerned about is WHEN.

    Ok, so, as I’m thinking about it, the “WHERE” factor is pretty much the only area that I’m not concerned about.  And even my anxiety right now to get away is not so much because I feel it’s time for God to send me somewhere, but more that I just want to get away. 

    But let’s throw all the rest aside.  When I was “picky” about where I would serve, if God called me somewhere else, I would fight Him tooth and nail.  God had to hit me upside the heard…in several ways…to get me to agree to go to one such place.  When Japan came up, thankfully, I learned from that mistake and was willing to go, even though I knew nothing about the country and had never had any, ANY desire to go there.  And it was one of the best experiences of my life.

    But that trip brought up something I have struggled with before – my expectations of others.  Especially of other believers.  but I am a work in progress, why shouldn’t others be too?

    My expectations of how members of the family should be or friends, or boyfriends…whatever “position” someone holds…it reflects an expectation you have for them. 

    God is the only One who we can expect to be just like He is described in Scripture and for Him to be exactly like that.  Anyone else has free license to go against your expectations, whether for good or for bad.

    So, I’m asking God (not man…) to help me release my faulty expectations and the schedules I make in my mind.  His ways are not my own and I can never expect Him to keep to my own desires and whims.  I can expect Him to be good, to love me, and to be sovereign over all.  And as the meaning of those things trickle down in to my mind, my expectations will fall into line with who He really is and who I really am.

  • Day 1 & 2 – 10 Days of Prayer

    One of my favorite Christian artists went and got married a few years ago to an amazing woman and…as most amazing women should, she started a blog.  It’s probably one of the few that I read consistently.  Her name is Kelly Needham and recently, she decided to do a 10 day Prayer and Repentance deal while her husband was out-of-town/country. You can find the start to her 10 day adventure here.

    But I decided to do my own 10 day time, starting yesterday.  I’ve been feeling a little in a rut and recent events have left me wondering if God is trying to tell me something and I’m not listening to Him. 

    I felt yesterday, that it would be good to start with what Kelly began within her reflections.  Her first point was, “It’s not about me.”  And I really like the Scripture she started each day with, so I’m definitely keeping that.  Here it is:

    “Search me, O God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts,
    See if there is any offensive way in me;
    and lead me in the way everlasting.
     – Psalm 139:23-24 –

    I was saying over and over in my mind, “It’s not about me, it’s not about me,” but nothing was coming.  And then I realized that I had forgotten how to pray.  I’m not saying totally, as in, I never talk to God…but I definitely have opted for the whole “pray continually” throughout the day without much concern for God speaking back to me.  To spend an hour, in determined prayer…it’s hard if you’re out of practice.  I went away thinking that it had all been a waste of time.  I didn’t feel like my prayer had been anything substantial.  Or had it?  I was determined to reflect on one thing and that one thing only while God was seeking to open my eyes to something else: my double-mindedness.

    I’m caught between the two sides – truly investing my heart and mind in God and all that He is and pretending to do so, which is to say, to not invest my heart and mind in God.  I have been well-trained in looking the part.  But not only that, it is easier to camp in the place of “Do well” and not mean it, than to face the reality of my double-heart.  It’s easy to go in with purpose and meaning, and then live out your time steadily more for yourself and out of habit. 

    And so, for today, the sermon on Contentment and the joy thereby was great and touched me, but I think God wants me to reflect on my bitterness.

    “The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy.”
     – Proverbs 14:10 –

    “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.”
     – Ephesians 4:31 –

    “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.”
     – Hebrews 12:15 –

    I’m very good at hiding my own bitterness.  In truth, I hardly recognize it myself.

    [Insert list of things bitter about]

    “…and many become defiled.”   It’s like when something begins to burn in the kitchen and you slowly realize the smell is there.  Then it takes a long time to get rid of the smoke and smell.  That’s how this bitterness feels in me.  What is contained in that list is not what matters.  That’s between me and God.  He has known it for some time and some of it I only just realized today. 

    But I am bitter about these things because I am thinking that I know best what I need.  And as God shows me that and how, I flip back and forth between joy and sadness.  I can try to force myself to joy, but I don’t think that’s what God wants.  He could do that, if He wanted to.  But He desires me to want it, and not just to show it or know that I need to want it.

    “Jesus, You are my greatest treasure,
    Nothing this world can offer
    Could ever compare to You.

    ~Nani yori mo
    Nani yori mo
    Nani yori mo
    Anata-o~”
    (Jap – Above all else, give me Yourself)
    Above All Else by Vicki Beeching

  • Faith

    Today’s sermon was on vigilence in contending for the faith, based on Jude 1-4.  I don’t get through to Jude very often, but it’s a really nice little book.  Here are key points I marked down:

    vs 1. – “…kept/preserved for Jesus Christ.”  ~ I love this promise, that no matter what, God holds us in His hands and will preserve us through the end.

    vs 3 – “…contend for the faith…” ~ dictionary.com says that to contend is to struggle in opposition.  But I like the other definition for this verse: to assert or maintain earnestly.

    What faith is this? – the faith delivered to the saints.

    • It’s a noun, both as substance of something hoped for and faith placed in God.

    Faith is not: a verb.

    • not something you build up yourself inside yourself.  That would be courage.
    • not being irrational or believing the unbelievable
    • not something you speak into existence or activate into reality.
    • not something you claim by demanding

    How do you contend for the faith?

    • gently if possible
      • Matthew 5:16 – “In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” [ESV]

    Have any of you ever noticed how you can begin a prayer one way and by the end of it, your whole demeaner, content, and desire has changed?  I’ve often begun a prayer angry and frustrated about something, or depressed and wounded.  It’s a sick feeling when you feel the only thing left to do is to cry out to God.  And you know the words that you utter are filled with hate and despair, and nothing to grace the ears of your King with, but I am so grateful that He still listens to them.  Note that I didn’t say “He still hears them”:  He listens to them, with the attention of a lover listening to his beloved. 

    As I am speaking to Him my sorrow, His Spirit is working in me, and comforting me.  He whispers sweet words of love to my heart so that my mind is not wholly aware of a change of atmosphere.  My words filled with guile are now resting on adoration, and express hope and praise to Him.  I was accusing Him and now I am thanking Him.  Ever notice that?  Not only is my attitude changed to Him, but also to the one or ones who filled me with that anger in the first place. 

    What kind of a God can do that?!  I am amazed every time at His mercy and His sincere love for me.  With some recent events, I noticed that God changed my prayer from revealing the secret to salvation of the person who has afflicted me.  I despise when someone’s character is assaulted, and this time, when it was mine, I had all sorts of wild and crazy emotions that flew through me.  I was exhausted.  I was overly emotional.  And while it is still fresh, my emotions have since settled into the peace that comes from God. 

    I know that He will protect me.  I am His precious child.  I have faith that He will because He has proven to me over and over again.  He has placed that faith into my heart, so that when circumstances arise, and I could easily be knocked down, that faith is already my support and my shelter.  The wind may howl and beat against my faith, but I am protected within.

    Our God is greater, stronger, He is higher than any other, healer, and He is awesome in power.  And if our God is for us, then who can ever stop us?  And if our God is with us, then what could stand against?  Nothing and no one…that’s who.  Praise Jesus!